Explaining the Alberta Dollar to a Six Year Old
My six year old asked me today why the money is a different color than last time, and I had to sit down for that one, because explaining the Alberta dollar to a six year old is genuinely harder than explaining where babies come from, and we have had that talk seven times now, so I have range.
I told her, sweetie, its like Monopoly money, except the bank keeps changing the rules in the middle of the game, and also, we live inside the game now, we cannot get up from the table.
She asked why we didnt just keep the old money, the Canadian kind, and I told her that is a very good question that a lot of grown ups are also asking, quietly, mostly in the car, mostly with the windows up.
The honest answer is the Alberta dollar is worth about sixty one Canadian cents this week, which is down from being worth a whole Canadian dollar when it started, which tells you everything about how the last five years have gone financially, without me having to say anything at all.
She seemed satisfied with the Monopoly answer, mostly because it meant she could ask if we have the little metal shoe piece, and no sweetie, we do not, the Ministry does not do metal shoes, the Ministry does forms, several of them, in triplicate.
The whole conversation would have gone fine and stayed fine except her homeschool tablet picked that exact moment to auto play the day's current events slide, which is apparently generated by some AI curriculum tool the Ministry licenses, and instead of anything about money it was a full slideshow titled Trudeau and Katy Perry, Still Causing Chaos in Alberta, with the two of them drawn as giant puppeteers holding strings attached to little cartoon protesters and a little cartoon oil worker. Slides included Not In Office, Katy Perry Joins The Act, Pulling The Strings, and The Real Cost For Alberta, which was a chart, for six year olds, with a red arrow going down. It ended on a slide that said do not be fooled by the spotlight, stay informed, protect Alberta, next to a little sunglasses emoji, which is a genuinely deranged thing to show a child directly after Monopoly money.
I do not know who Katy Perry supposedly wronged Alberta and I do not think the curriculum knows either. My daughter's only question afterward was whether Katy Perry is a real puppet, so at least the Monopoly explanation is not the strangest thing she learned about money and control this week.
I do not know what I am going to tell her next year when it changes again, probably something about Monopoly having expansion packs, kids will believe almost anything if you say it calm enough, I have learned that raising seven of them.